Okay – I’m gonna try…

Did you know that I have thoughts – like daily – about things that I want to blog about here.

And I don’t.

I’ll risk being honest and say out loud why:

Cause I’m really discouraged.

Yep.

That’s why.

To be honest, my heart is breaking a little bit more with each passing day.

It’s a long detailed thing – some of which I’ve blogged about here. A lot of it I just don’t say out loud much – because, well – there are lots of reasons…

…I feel like a failure :sigh:

…I feel like I don’t want to discourage newbies (I know – irrational, right?! – but it’s what’s banging around in my heart)

…I feel like it’s too risky to expose these deep feelings

All pretty dumb, honestly.

BUT – there’s this challenge at WordPress to blog daily or weekly. Daily – yeah – I’m not there yet. Weekly – weekly, I’m willing to try.

And yes, I’m going to try and be honest about the stuff that’s going on and maybe even expose this hurting heart a bit.

Okay?

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Jenn White says:

    In general, I pretty much expect you to SPILL it. But I know you will share when you are ready. Newbies/ pre-ops have very few places where they can get a real, honest look at both the good AND the BAD parts of the DS life.

  2. stitch jones says:

    I am so sorry girl. I confess to not knowing jack about DS, so I followed your links & read about it. You have been through so much – it takes a toll. It’s ok to feel whatever you feel, it makes you no less strong. This too shall pass. Hugs.

  3. Maddie says:

    Oh Dina. I know it is just a cyber hug, but if you were here I would hug you ((((((DINA))))))). You have been through so much and to have your DS taken down must be devestating indeed. I mean, I lost 2/3 of my stomach and ended up with an RNY like pouch about the size of a walnut. I lost my pylorus and even though it didn’t work I grieved for it. What my surgeon didn’t do was take down my DS. He knew about the DS, he has done them before and I told him how important it was to me so he left it. Afterwards he said that I might have trouble keeping weight on. Oh, the irony.

    My heart goes out to you, but you are not a failure. Not at all. What is happening to you is not your fault. It is understandable not wanting to encourage newbies given all that you are dealing with. Is there any chance at all you can have the intestinal part of your DS redone? I hope so. In the meantime, you are my inspriation and I thank you for all that you have done and continue to do.

    Maddie

  4. karen says:

    Okay. Not only okay but so important. We are all in this together. We all know that there are risks with this surgery and any surgery. You are still a success. You are still working it. We need to hear the success of working thru and with complications. The ups and downs of hope AND faith. Of learning to be informed, our own advocates, finding our voices. Life is not for the faint of heart. A close friend of mine tells me when I am discouraged, feeling hopeless or lacking in faith, that she will have it for me, ’til I am ready to have it again. Know that I am doing that for you, as well as praying.

  5. Deb says:

    I also didn’t know much about DS but read through some of your postings. What a remarkable person you are! I admire your strength, your courage, and your sense of humor (it’s there…it shines through). Keep posting, and hang tight!

  6. kilaani says:

    I love you Dina. I wish things were easier than they have been the past few years.

  7. Sheila says:

    Let it pour Dina. What you have to say helps you and all of us that read your blog. Oldies and newbies. Purgeing is good for the soul. Sheila

  8. Pam Ruth says:

    No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

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