Adjusting

I’ve been NPO for a week now – well, eight days to be exact. That means 34 more days of nothing to eat or drink.

The truth?

I miss eating.

Also truth?

I am a little hungry.

They’re giving me 1600 calories daily via TPN. I keep wondering if it’s enough.

The whole process of doing the TPN is involved, but it’s going pretty well. It is complex, but doable.

Probably the most annoying thing is the horrible taste in my mouth. I brush, rinse and spit, gargle with Listerine – but ugh – it’s awful. I’m only on antibiotics for another eleven days. Hopefully ending those that will take care of that.

My energy level seems so low. I was complaining to John this morning about it and he asked, “How is it compared to a week ago?” I stopped and thought, “Wow – way better.” My husband is so wise. I’m so glad he’s nearby to remind me of the truths that I lose sight of at times!

My crazy schedule is starting to feel a little less daunting. My biggest struggle, honestly, is staying awake long enough to finish the 10:00 pm Flagyl infusion and then check my blood sugar at 11:00 pm. I am getting better at groggily setting up and starting the 6:00 am Flagyl now, though!

I’ve been trying to do little things around the house to help some. I can load the dishwasher. Emptying, not so much yet. (Good thing I’ve got kids to do that part for me, huh?!) Laundry is pretty much out of the question. I do have a 10 pound weight limit because of the PICC line, so I have to think through things carefully. The other morning I was able to go out and use my foot to turn over the chicken waterer so that I could fill it up with clean water – lifting it was a no-go, it was too heavy!

To be honest, I feel a little useless. Right now I wish I had the strength to get in there and hand wash the dishes that need hand washed. But I’m so tired all I want is a nap! But It’s my little snippet of time when I am untethered (between 3 and 7pm) so I don’t want to waste it! You know?

Maybe I should rest. I’m determined to make it to church tomorrow. My plan right now is to try and curl my hair before I go – it won’t be brand spanking new clean, but at least it won’t be flat and in my face! I’ll have to wear the TPN on the special backpack it has, so I’ll dress in shorts and a t-shirt. I hope the pump won’t be too loud for church.

And it occurred to me that I won’t be able to take communion. (We celebrate communion every week. It’s something I look forward to each and every time.) I know God understands – and that the elements are a representation. But I love that time. I will focus on making it a time of prayer, reflection, and thanksgiving for what God has done for me.

I’m thinking I’m gonna need a great big nap after church tomorrow! J It’s supposed to be the last warm day before a week of rain. Maybe I’ll lay out in the yard in the sunshine. I did that for a little while this afternoon and it was lovely.

Yesterday my dear friend Brenda came to visit. Today Lee and Helen came. I am continually amazed at the beautiful thing friendship is – how faithful my friends are, and what a balm of blessing they are to my soul.

So I’m adjusting to being at home. I love my bed. I love being able to reach over and slip my hand in John’s. I love the hugs and kisses my kids bestow on me as they come near. I love watching the chickens out in the yard. And snuggling with Pepper, our Australian Shepherd, and Jake and Caleb, our Maine Coon cats.

I love home.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Monica says:

    I’m so happy you’re home.

  2. Laurie says:

    Hi Dina,

    I’m glad you are back at home where things are known and love is all around you. Did you make it to church today? How did that go if you did? Just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers and I sure hope that soon this whole ordeal will be behind you. You’ve had a really rough year with medical issues…I can feel your pain cuz I’ve had my share of them also…but keep looking to God as your source and know that He is always right beside you.

    Hugs,
    Laurie

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